Well, fuck. Some asshole up and stole the iPod from off my desk. It was sitting under some papers, and when I came back from my afternoon poop, it was gone.
Additionally, fuck.
With much of the staff attending a conference in Seattle this week, there was a skeleton crew working in my part of office today. So let’s take a look at the two primary suspects:
SARAH H.
Age: 29Residence: Park Slope, Brooklyn
Occupation: Associate Editor
Born: Boston, Massachusetts
Education: Dartmouth, 2001
Marital Status: Recently married to some guy who does some stuff with some hedge fund
Children: “I’d really like to have a daughter named Edith.”
Celebrity Lookalike: Claire Danes
Hobbies: Reading, television, running, being Anglo
JABBAR S.
Age: 22
Residence: Trinity Park, Bronx
Occuation: Mailroom Assistant
Born: Trinity Park, Bronx
Education: Trinity Park, Bronx
Marital Status: Single
Children: Yes
Celebrity Lookalike: Cutty from The Wire
Hobbies: Holla'in at chickenheads with his T-Mobile Sidekick 2
I’m no racist. Heck, my dog is black, plus I love John Legend. But does anyone else get the feeling that Sarah had something to do with this? I mean, don’t know Jabbar, but based on his profile, he seems clean.
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