I hear squeaking.
Jesusfuckingchrist. Is he doing it again?
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH. Gross.
What a pathetic piece of shit. Part of me wants to go look, but I don't know if I can stomach seeing a pantless 26-year-old man sobbing and pumping furiously to a back issue of Redbook.
Look, buddy, you're gonna rip that thing off if you don't slow down.
I'm going to go take a shit in the dining room.
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