Everyone is really impressed by your decision to vote for Barack Obama

What? You're voting for Obama? WOW! How progressive! And say, is that a New York Times sticking out of your leather briefcase? And you say you're a subscriber? Well, you're just all sorts of impressive, sir.

Hey, from one Obama voter to another, let me share something with you. Come in close, because I want to make sure you hear me:

I DON'T GIVE A FLYING GAY FUCK THAT YOU'RE VOTING FOR BARACK OBAMA.

How stupid do you think I am? You think I don't already know you're voting for Obama? Look in the mirror, Lampwick. You are a full-on Obama douchebag. You won't shut the fuck up about Barack fucking Obama. You devote every ounce of your New England pretension, every ounce of the brainpower you compiled while earning your BA in Anthropology from the University of Vermont, to telling every poor motherfucker within earshot who you're voting for.

All of us know who you're voting for, you stupid cunt. Everyone is really impressed.

How erudite of you to vote for a black man. How advanced you must be to vote for the guy who isn't suffering from Vietnam-era PTSD. Clearly you have studied the issues at great length, weighing the candidates' Senatorial voting records against their visions for America's future. Also, you read that article in People in which Natalie Portman said you should vote for Barack Obama.

I bet you even wore that cute little Obama lapel pin when you went to your friend's debate party in Park Slope.

Your queerness really annoys me.

Of course I'm being sarcastic here. After all, you are not very smart. You're actually kind of stupid. If you weren't, you would have thrown your support behind Hillary Clinton back when it actually mattered. But it's too late for that, so get fucked.

I wonder what Barack Obama would say if he knew your grandfather still says "darkie" sometimes.