Look, I'm not saying you're stupid just because you don't like the new Walkmen album

Here's what I am saying, though:

1. You have shitty, shitty taste in music.

2. You probably have shitty taste in everything.

3. Your parents probably had shitty taste in music too. (This one is particularly damning. I mean, my dad listened to Don Henley's solo albums, and look at me. I'm fucking awesome. My nickname in college was "Impeccable Taste.")

4. If your parents did not have shitty taste in music, then your mother must have been addicted to peyote while she was pregnant with you. That is the only plausible excuse for this otherwise-unforgivable fault in your musical taste. Plus, your mom sure has a lot of Injun friends (the alcoholic Injuns, not the smelly Injuns).

5. You are gay.

6. Your father is gay, and I know because I blew him.

7. Your mother is a slut, and I know because she wanted to blow me but I was too busy blowing your dad.

8. You probably stole my iPod, you fucking fag.

9. Fuck you.

10. I'm willing to bet you spent a good part of your childhood in Boston, which would account for your shitty taste in everything, including music and sports teams.

Actually, now that I think about it, you are stupid.