My bed was purchased at a garage sale. My bed is old and made of brass. It is also very squeaky. When I roll around in my bed while I am sleeping, my bed squeaks. When I throw clothes on my bed, my bed squeaks under the weight and quality of my imported garments, many of which are from Banana Republic. When my dog rubs her ass on my sheets, my bed responds by squeaking. If I were to give my bed a name, it would probably be Squeaky, because my bed squeaks like pretty much all the time.
My bed also squeaks really fucking loud when I masturbate.
I have masturbated in many beds during my life: my bed, my parents' bed, my siblings' beds, the bed in my grandma's guestroom, my first girlfriend's bed, my college bed, my college girlfriend's bed, my college roommate's bed, my college roommate's parents' bed, my second college girlfriend's bed, and the beds where I've slept any time I have been housesitting. I have also masturbated in a number of hotel beds. I have masturbated in many beds, and I have never encountered a bed that squeaks as much when I masturbate as my current bed. My current bed squeaks like a mouse full of secrets every time I masturbate.
It is possible that my bed was built in a pre-masturbation age and is thus not equipped to handle the vigor of my self-pleasure. I don't think there is any masturbation in the Bible, so it's possible my bed was built in Bible times. (I'm pretty sure they had brass in the Bible, so this would kind of make sense. Like I said, my bed is made of brass.) If this is the case, I would not blame the bedmakers who made my bed, because hey, they were just making due with what they had, which I guess was mostly brass.
Still, it would be nice to masturbate without all that squeaking.
I really can't masturbate if I am constantly worrying that the neighbors can hear my bed squeaking while I masturbate. Once I save up some money, I am probably going to buy a new bed, one that doesn't squeak so much. I will also probably buy some DVDs.
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